blogging an stuff

whooops accidentally posted before writing anything


The best thing about this blog is that nobody reads it, so I can post whatever the fuck I want and not give a shit about what they will think of me. btw if you're reading this gtfo


Today I went to see "We Need to Talk About Kevin" with la famille. It was really horrible but good. A few times when Kevin is small he makes this noise when his mother is talking which basically means "blahblahblahshutupwhyareyoutalkingtome". After the film, we were in a restaurant and I was talking. We were talking about the word "ostensible" and it wasn't particularly interesting but it was better than the preceding silence. I was probably dragging out the conversation for longer than necessary but as I said, it was better than the preceding silence. Then James started going "blah blah blah" etc. I didn't hear him, but then my parents both started making that noise like Kevin makes. I was like "wtf" and it was explained to me that James had started it and they were just "remembering the film" as opposed to making a direct decision to use the noise to express how they feel about me (i.e. that they really really really hate me so much that it makes them want to shoot a bunch of kids with a crossbow). I know (hope) none of them actually meant anything by it but omg it just made me feel like ugh nobody cares what i have to say nobody wants to have to go through the chore of listening to me speak why the fuck do i even bother i actually genuinely should just kill myself and save them all the trouble. So then I didn't really say anything else and eventually started crying and tried not to make it too obvious and then Mum tried to sit next to me but then I was like no don't do that and that was probably quite hurtful but she didn't seem hurt and anyway i don't want her to spend half an hour trying to get me to tell her what's wrong when i have to keep my mouth shut cause if i tried to speak my voice would go all broken and whiny and nobody wants to hear that

so yeah that (I) probably spoiled the evening for everyone

i wish i didn't have such a problem with people being interested in what i say


i remember when dad asked me if i realised how dislikeable i was (am)

selfpityselfpityselfpity