Pretentiousness and Reflections

It's always funny when you find something you wrote a while ago and don't really remember writing it, because it doesn't feel like it was actually you. I'm always surprised (I say always - this doesn't happen to me very often) by how much respect I have for my past self. I guess I got used to the idea that whenever I looked back at my past I would only feel embarrassment about what I thought and how I acted, and that is often the case, but with things like blog posts and diary entries it's different somehow. Maybe because I am doing it only for my own benefit and not trying to impress anyone? I don't think that's quite it though. I'm not sure. Maybe my respect for the me who wrote those blog posts last year is just egotistical interest in myself and what I have (and had) to say. Whatever. It's nice, I guess, whatever it is.

The other thing that surprises me is how little I remember of what it felt like to be me last year. I mean, it was only a year ago and yet, as I said above, it feels like that was a different person. It's sad, in a way, how I'll never be in that same position again. Even if I am happier now (which I'm pretty sure I am), it's like I've lost what I was then, and there are probably some lessons that I learned last year that, despite seeming important at the time, I've completely forgotten. Anyway, the niceness of respecting my past self overrides that. :)

Also, future self, I'm aware of the pretentiousness that is evident in this post, and at least a little aware of how naive it is to be discussing how I have changed in a year when that is nothing to how people can change in a lifetime. :P I hope you feel some of the same things I felt just now when you read this.

x

PS I'm also aware that I'm using pretentiousness as general mitigation for saying anything that sounds a bit stupid or that I might disagree with/regret later. XD